We, We, WE, all the way HOME!

Posted on August 31, 2010 by

Mona made from Coats and Clark thread comes to life!

Barry and I celebrated our 23rd anniversary this past Sunday.  The weekend was spent in appreciation of art…and of truth.

First, a street festival on Saturday – - Cary Lazy Days – - where we purchased a couple of small pieces of carbon fired porcelain from Lou Raye Nichols, a business colleague.  These are work of her hands and her heart, and hearing her tell the personality of each one was priceless.  I wanted to buy pottery for everyone I know.

Then there was the search for the big new art displays the Cary Arts Commission has juried and placed around the downtown campus.  My favorites were the Balancing Act (a collection of balls), and Jurassic Dragonfly (made from car bumpers).   Cary has become an artist haven, with street pieces welcoming you to our town, seaming streets together as an outdoor museum.

Jurassic Dragonfly

Barry is a good sport about escorting me through the galleries and booths.

A toast of champagne over dinner  brings out the laughs and it also primes the throat for speaking a truth.  Best not to forget its power, lest it sneaks up on you.

The truth?  23 years brings about changes of heart.  Time can provide a deeper connection, and it has.   The experiences shared can provide a deep appreciation, and they have.  There are regular tensions in a shared business and they have given us pause this year… reflection at this mid-life stage, prompting new dialogue.  Staying in that dialogue is art form and is rare. Yet, we have learned to stay with it – a practice of what gives a marriage foundation as the romance waxes and wanes, the hair line recedes, the chins sag, and for the first time in 23 years, the wedding dress no longer fits unless I am lying on the floor and a friend has a pair of pliers to zip me in.

So this weekend we spent more time in arty spaces.  We strolled through the NC Museum of art and my favorite areas of African and Renaissance art, then ate a beautiful brunch.

Before the Museum tour we stopped by the Body, Mind, Spirit expo – the Fairgrounds near Meredith College to give a book to Azurae Windwalker.  Azurae guided me by the elbow to Dr. Bluehawk Stec who “had no openings for sessions,” and I explained that was good, because it was my anniversary and I was just stopping by… but Bluehawk looked at me – pierced my eyes with his and said, “Darlin, there is something you can do for me. ‘Find your confidence.’ ”    That was it.

He turned away.

Azurae laughed, “She has plenty of confidence,” and again.. he looked at me and said, “I know… and she knows what I mean.  Look at her face!”

I was dumbstruck.  I cocked my head to the right to see if the Dr. Stec from Illinois was real, then gingerly placed my book on the table next to a collection of turkey feathers.  I almost ran outside to meet Barry, who received the news of my needing confidence much like Azurae had, only with more vigorous defense and a belly laugh in disbelief.

But his comment struck a chord.

That brief meeting was exactly what I needed to shake me.

I realized in that moment, I have been numb lately, trying too hard to please a pile of other people – from business to family to community – -  some who no longer need me and have served the purpose of the lessons, as well as those who have brought me much pleasure (and even prospertiy) in the dance of relationship, but where the growth is now moving into other directions.  Some I just need to embrace as friends.  Some I just need to liberate from my expectations . . perhaps our partnership needs to be reshaped or we need to communicate in a new way.  I need to pay attention to and thank some folks more fully, appreciate them aloud.  Some I need to embrace.. and some I need to simply surrender.  Most importantly I need to make some conscious choices.

Restoring my confidence wasn’t about ego, it was about liberating myself and others from stoic conversations, from a co-dependence for their business or friendship or some other form of attachment I had collapsed as relationship and love.

I wrote in the book, Mystic GRITs that I love people so completely I can sometimes wear them slam out.  There is an art form to love and a timeliness, perhaps more, a mindfulness that requires we pay comprehensive attention to every small detail and that we call out new thinking and perspectives from ourselves equally as we do from others.

Rodin's Thinker makes you want to think!

So on my anniversary Sunday, in addition to an abundance of food, I had an abundance of think time and I declared myself “confident” enough to say “no” where I needed to and open my heart for receiving love in the amount I comfortably send out.  I am ready for the new.  I don’t think I am unusual in this regard.  I see many women like me who get stuck in these cycles, becoming servile or needy.  People, we can no longer make this a “we, we, we, all the way home” conversation.  Right now it is about “me, me, me, coming back home to ‘me, me, me’ again.”

We-ing has been good for collaborating and working alongside Barry and others.  We-ing is good for our communities and our partner organizations.  We-ing may be something that is true for most the women you know – - it is where I typically live, but right now, ” I do declare, we-ing is best left to those little piggies…”  it is now time for some better Me-ing.

The truth I have come to is that I am exactly where I need to be, doing the work I was born to do, expanding daily to include a lighter side of me.  AND, I am soooo ready to have more fun.  I also think others are ready to do the same.  I am almost rebellious as I decide to break free from anything that feels too heavy or hard.

Some of my relations are open and ready for this evolution and they are showing up in miraculous ways.  I smile thinking about the connections.  Some are not.  I have to get over the fear of loss, or the illusion of inclusion.

Those are some big balls to juggle!

There is an art to pacing me in this space… and to help balance the big balls of energy I toss around.

Here’s to those who choose this partnership with me . . . again in this life dance, my dear and very loved ones.  Here’s to celebrating all that is and blessing all that we have experienced together, even if it becomes a happy memory – - here’s to liberation and whatever comes next!

“WE – We – we”…all the way to “me- Me – ME!”

Ask yourself, where do you need to find the confidence to speak a truth?

And where  do you need to find beauty in what exists, even the old and forgotten?

Enjoy your journey!

Yipeee… Be free!

DJ

Posted in insights, Inspiration, personal growth, relationships, spirituality, Truth, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Inspiration for the new world!

Posted on October 4, 2011 by

Yes

Last October, CNN declared that women would become the “saviors of the global economy” and the Dalai Lama prophesized that “the world will be saved by the Western woman.” 

This quote allowed me to finally capture what I felt when daughter Jessica graduated this Spring from the College of Charleston.

The journey through life is not easy for most of us.  There are always challenges and children face their own lessons and learn from experience just as humans have been doing for eons.  What is newly minted in the human equation is that we are learning to foster confidence and myriad intelligences as we begin to understand that our children have “come to teach us,” a society in need of awakening.

You know children like Jess.  She spoke in full sentences by the time she was 10 months old – - in third person, “Jessica wants that dwess.”  I realize you might judge me, her mother for that one.  ”Jessica wants waffles,”  or ”Jessica likes that. “ I was 34 as a first time mom so what did I know?  She didn’t crawl, because she moved backwards when she tried, so she just stood up at 10 months and started running one day.  She hasn’t stopped since.

She could cite colors when she was a year old and the pediatrician marked her one year report as a child prodigy… someone to watch.  So when she struggled to read as a first grader and to spell as a third grader, we sought help.  Testing gave us the results that she had a learning disability.  She was so smart, it was masked by her verbal skills.  I found her weeping one night in the first quarter of 4th grade, “I want to be with the smart kids.”  And my heart sank.  She was “one” of the smart kids… one of the smartest a pediatrician had ever seen.  What was missing was a diagnosis of dyslexia.  Once she was aware of what she needed to handle differently she thrived and excelled.  But without the additional testing and the results and the meetings with teachers and guidance counselors, she may have lost interest in school and we may have lost her as a potential leader.

When she walked across the stage, she did so as a hero in our eyes and those of our extended friends and family.  She was a leader at the College of Charleston - president of the Student Alumni Associates,  a representative of the college for Leadership Charleston, a student with international credits having studied in India last summer.  As we waited and watched others receive their degrees, I wondered about their stories.  What challenges did they face?  What sports coach recognized their abilities and nurtured those, or which one didn’t?  Who mentored them?  Who saw potential and fostered it?  What teacher placed a troll on their desk to send all worries to while taking tests?  Who helped them tap into their creative genius?  Who compelled them to dance or to debate a point of view?

And I also wondered, “how many brilliant kids do we lose in educational processes because they haven’t had a champion to help them understand their needs or their given talents?  When will we add new intelligences, such as emotional intelligence (EQ) to those required for academic success?”

There were only four tickets to her graduation so our celebration was intimate.  But there were many who sat with us in spirit this Spring day.  Her friend Beaux was there… a

Party on the Osprey with Beaux

champion and travel companion who sees her brilliance. Her high school and lifelong friend Tucker graduated the same weekend from UNC – CH and would say she influenced his vote in the last presidential election as she vigorously campaigned for someone she believed in.  The Honorable Kristin Ruth, a family friend would smile at the mention of her name and say that “Jess gives us hope that the world is becoming a better place due to leadership of strong young women who are committed to a cause – and hers is to leave the world better by changing and impacting a social cause, especially related to non-profit and education.”  BFF Lauren would say, “Let’s Dance!” and remind her to laugh a belly laugh daily as she tries new things…

BFFs

AND to only give her attention to those friends who are worthy… to spend time with those who are not looking beyond her, but who make her feel special and loved.

It occured to me as we danced and laughed and celebrated and toasted this amazing young woman that I am happy and privileged to know her regardless the fact that she is my daughter.

She, and many of her friends who graduated this year, give me hope.  They inspire the best in me and the best in others.  They are truly global in their view of the world and their desire to see and connect with other cultures.

A Toast from the Crow's Nest

So as we all work to understand more, to love more, to become more, I hope you will find inspiration in those who are becoming new leaders, those with a desire to become global citizens and seek knowledge from many sources.

My coaching challenge to all who read this is that you foster this intention of Jessica’s to change the face of education and to promote a new world view.

Posted in Daughters, Family, Female Leaders, Gifts, Graduation, insights, Inspiration, Learning disabiilities, overcoming learning disabi, personal growth, relationships, Uncategorized, Women's Leadership | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The FartKnocker

Posted on July 10, 2011 by

Hank and his FartKnocker

I know, I know… there are many who cannot tolerate this F word, the one that has to do with food processing and mostly male body sounds that at some point in their lives become a source of pride and competition.  That’s not the point.  This post has to do with a surfboard by the name FartKnocker.

Hank, now 17 has been my funny valentine since he was born.  He smiled at me when he was less than a week old and has in other ways been charming dear old mom and negotiating for things since he could sit up and hand me toys, or say “pwease mommie”.  One night he peered through the sunroof of our family van while we drove into the garage, young enough to still be in a car seat and said, “Mom, if I could reach one of those stars, I would take it out of the sky and give it to you.”

Need I say more?

Awh... Mom! Please?!

We went to buy a new surf board during this week of vacation and along the way I was reminded that our shopping is more about buying a thing that makes you laugh than about anything more sublime.  Maw Maw used to say, “if it makes you laugh, you must find a way to capture it!”  I have subscribed to that.  The Baccus wine fountain sporting the little version of Baccus leap frogging the spout.  The Christmas Apron that sports 3 Wise Women and a verse about how they would have done it all differently and better.  And on this day, when the surfboards were all lined up and the decision came down to two gently used Stewart boards, the one that won out wasn’t the sleek green and yellow number with a bold signature of the designer, it was the one with a funny name!

He almost hesitated to ask for it, but I could see the wheels turning and knew there was a negotiation I could play to my favor.  After all, I have spent more money on lesser things.

I figured that I would have a clean car, the grass would be mowed, the trash carried out, the plants watered and anything else I could imagine but just turning to him and saying this new F- WORD.   Three people overheard our negotiation and congratulated me on the way out of the shop.

So challenge yourself in the coming weeks to make decisions about your purchases based on what gives smiles! You might make it a negotiation for something in return, you might just gift it with the understanding that the ability to share laughter grants us light, and often life itself, and that is priceless.

As the surfer in my house now signs off – - “FartKnocker OUT!”

Posted in Beach, Family, humor, just for fun, Uncategorized, vacation | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tendonitis

Posted on July 8, 2011 by

Right hand totally sore from tendonitis for three months. Difficult to write, save the proposals and emails that kept business going. Physical Therapy for 8 weeks, wrist braces… till Veronica came home from Fla. One Reiki treatment, hand much better. Blogging will commence!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Prom Prayer

Posted on April 16, 2011 by

photos on the lawn


The backyard was decorated with round dining tables to seat 40 kids.  Parents dotted the lawn and stood back, cameras at the ready, snapping photos of their pride and joy.  The menu was printed and nameplates were tied to ribbons.  There was a blessing and a buffet of tenderloin of beef, crab cakes and salads, chocolate covered strawberries, key lime pie and cake.  Perfect weather… lots of laughter.  The hosts  - – Judy and Don Geaslen – - had thought of everything, including a bar set up for adults down the hall.

The night started with enchantment…. and as we worked around the kitchen to set up

desserts, hostess Judy asked if one of us would read the Parents Prayer for Prom.   I had the privilege and want to share it with you here:

May my child be blessed

on this special evening . . .

May my child be blessed with an enchanted evening.

May they dance with joy in their heart.

May they enjoy the smiles and laughter of others.

May my child have a date that is kind in word and deed, grateful and complimentary.

May their evening be filled with grace, dignity and respect.  May my child experience a wonderful night, full of lasting memories.

I pray for the safety and wisdom for all that attend Prom this evening…

May the Lord watch over them.

- – Judy Geaslen

Some of us parents lingered, story telling.

Mommas like the spoons after everyone leaves for PROM

As we left the beautiful home, I understood that a prayer often gives us a sense of peace… and our own enchanted evening as our children leave for that next phase of life experiences… finding their way.

So on the morning after parties are all complete, the 2011 Prom goers found their way home… new experiences under their belt and new stories of their own to tell one day.  I hope they will include the prayer!

Posted in Blessings, dancing, Gifts, Inspiration, just for fun, relationships, rituals, spirituality, The Morning After, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mystic GRITS is being read by fabulous reviewers! Take a look!

Posted on February 10, 2011 by

Well – looka-here…. Mystic GRITS in the reviews! Balanced…. and yet… what else can you do for a ritual that beats a good bubble bath with candles!? hahaha…. love this with me!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Old Rockers

Posted on February 4, 2011 by
Steve and DJ - Rockin

Rockin with Steve!

Steve and George... old friends and rockers

Old Rockers and Dear Friends!

Here we are, years later, willing to drive 90 minutes each way for a cholesterol filled country breakfast, biscuits with gravy, buttered grits and all… Soulmate friends who worked together moons ago.  The passion for radio, rock-n-roll and sports marketing brought us together.  My life would not have been as rich or as much fun had I not known these two characters.  I learned much from them, though they called me “boss” once upon a time.

Maybe you’ve had the good fortune to be a part of a team of people whose work conveyed meaning beyond the daily mandates.  In retrospect our time together was  a learning laboratory.  The daily tasks gave way to exploration of faith and these two courageously shared their beliefs, their lessons of parenthood, their coming to terms with leadership positions.  I dare not give them too much credit here for fear I will lose any leverage in which stories we tell and which we keep sacred about the hard knocks, the funniest of human experiences, and the celebratory team building events that almost got us killed.

DJ and George

George and GRITS!

George is the VP of Sports for Capitol Broadcasting, including the Durham Bulls baseball team and is the most articulate and graceful leader I’ve known. You will find him in the acknowledgements of Mystic GRITS!  I will dedicate the next business book to him for giving me the space to create my team platform and just released Team Advantage, the complete coaching guide for team transformation, (Pfeiffer 2010).

Steve, top of this post, is himself in Mystic GRITS and will tell you he lived much of this story with me.  He landed in my life while a student at Wake Forest University, and sold me on paying him for an internship when I managed a rock and roll station in Winston Salem.  I dragged he and his family with me to four locations to do great things together during my 20 years as a broadcast manager/executive.  There is too much to tell here. We had the absolute time of our lives every day that we worked together. After leaving radio a few years ago, he bought a company that services Shriners and Masons with garments for ceremonies and meetings.  He has become a Mason which gives him a brotherhood to continue to grow his faith.

Perhaps you have people in your life who inspire you to be your best, who challenge you when you play small, and who make you happy when you mention their name or recall a story you share.  If you do…. make time for them – -meet them somewhere across a state line at a Cracker Barrel and eat some grits and biscuits with gravy.  Make pictures together in rocking chairs with price tags.

Be Happy…  Re-Member  - – and go make precious time for those who light your path and warm your heart!

Enjoy your journey!

Posted in bucket list activity, Gifts, Inspiration, just for fun, partnerships, relationships, rituals, spirituality, Traditions, Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Money, Creativity, Time and Energy

Posted on December 13, 2010 by

“There are three resources that we all share. Three gifts.  In the absence of one, use the others more frequently.”

Maw Maw didn’t say that… Thomas Leonard did.  Thomas was one of the seminal figures in shaping Coaching as a profession.  He lived wide open… and taught many of us to stay relevant… to leverage virtual communities… to recreate our lives based on our values.  Things that Maw Maw taught me without using the same language. I am sure Maw Maw would have challenged Thomas and would have asked him where he would place Love, or Music, or Laughter, or Energy?

Now, the holidays are here.  A string of memories cross my mind about celebrations . . . the traditions we have made for ourselves – the time we spent laughing and singing around an old piano or Maw Maw’s guitar… the one she is pictured holding here when she was just 15.

Today we traveled home to Welcome to celebrate Christmas at Mom and Dad’s place.  A dirty santa game followed the barbeque and baked beans, a southern tradition for basement gatherings and games . . . (Dirty Santa is a holiday tradition, where we all pick a number and one by one go to a pile of wrapped presents orrrrrr…take someone else’s gift;   Always funny, the most coveted gift makes its way from person to person.  This year’s winner was a tie between an everything tool for the house, a nose trimmer, an iTunes gift card and that lovely sequined singing Santa hat that stayed on the head of a favorite aunt.)

Tonight as I finished trimming my tree, I pulled an old ornament out of the box, an angel made from an oyster shell and pipe cleaner.  I thought of Maw Maw’s shoebox doll houses,  dolls made of popsicle sticks, their dresses fashioned from colored facial tissues – -doll furniture crafted from cardboard, thread spools, tobacco sticks and magazine pages.  I think perhaps the real beauty of decorating a home for the holidays is that every touch, every tree ornament, every light brings a memory to life.

So as you head into that home stretch, shopping list in one hand, recipes in the other, think about those resources we all share, not just the three we speak of in coaching, but the ones that Maw Maw would bring to light here……

The Greatest gift is the Love you give – be it expressed in a song, a poem, a card,  the time you give to be with family. . .AND… the second greatest gift is the Love you openly receive… cause as Maw Maw would say, “else how’s anybody else going to be able to give their gifts?”

EnJOY, Take Good Care, and Receive as freely as you give this year!

Posted in Christmas, Family, Gifts, Inspiration, relationships, rituals, Traditions, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment